Lost in a Memory
by Evil Neko
Summary: Four years post-game, Yuna learns that love is eternal and, even if you stop wishing for something, your dreams can still come true. Dedicated to kikai-baniigaaru (Or, well, akan-gaaru, as she's now known... appareantly... O_o)


Lost in a Memory

Dedicated to Kikai-baniigaaru

---***---

_My love for you burns deep_

_Inside me, so strong_

_Embers of times we had_

_And now here I stand, lost in a memory_

_I see your face and smile._

A lake.

A promise.

A kiss.

Memories floated around my brain, like flower blossoms on the wind.

A victory.

A sending.

A goodbye.

I shook my head violently. I had work to do. I could not get lost in a memory right now.

Why was I thinking of all these things now? I was High Maestress of Spira. Sin was gone. I was happy.

_Are you, really?_ A voice inside whispered.

"Yes," I responded aloud.

_You aren't._

"Yes, I am" I responded firmly.

_You would be happier with him here. Admit it._

"I would," I agreed with the voice. I lived alone; no one would hear me conversing with myself.

Four years. Four long, hard years. Four years of fragile masks and nighttime tears. Four years of wishing, begging, pleading for his return.

I knew that he wouldn't come back, that he wouldn't come running, when I whistled in Luca, the day after Sin's defeat. I knew he would break his promise. But I whistled anyway.

I had long since given up on his return. He was dead, if he ever lived, and death was eternal. No one had ever returned successfully from the Farplane.

Just as the voice of reason sounded in my head, I felt arms around my shoulders. I closed my eyes, lost in the hallucination. I'd been doing that a lot lately, imagining him here. I'd hear him, feel him, sometimes even see him out of the corner of my eye.

"I wish you were really here." I whispered.

He wanted that, too.

"Everything would be so much… easier."

He knew.

"Why aren't you here?"

There were rules he must follow, laws he must obey.

"So break them." The bitter four years of his absence had caused a change in me.

He wished it were that easy.

And then he was gone. As easily as he came, he was gone.

I pushed my chair away from the desk. These little encounters were, I thought, the only things keeping me sane. While I was happy enough alone, feeling his presence made everything better.

I walked aimlessly around the house for a little while. Though there was plenty of things I could have done, I didn't feel like doing any of them.

My wandering led me outside. I wished I could get him back, or move on. But… even if he was here… I could never forget.

I couldn't forget those horrible years of pain, insecurity, of being alone. I could never forget the innumerable fake smiles, nor the nights of crying myself to sleep.

I was happy.

And shoopufs could fly.

I was kidding myself, I thought as I walked through the Besaid jungles.  I didn't wonder how I'd gotten there; I just continued walking.

A lesson.

A whistle.

A vow.

I didn't even notice I was standing near the edge of a cliff. I didn't feel the wind whip my hair around my face.

I was too busy getting lost in a memory.

There used to be ropes along the edge of the cliff, so no one on their way to or from the village would fall into the trees below.

I wonder where they were then.

I took a step forward.

And another.

And another, until one more would lead me off and into the jungle below.

I didn't even feel my feet rise off the ground. I didn't feel myself fall forward.

But I felt the arms that wrapped around my middle a moment later.

And I heard the voice that carried from behind me, the voice I'd been waiting years to hear.

"Not for me, Yuna," it said. "Don't do that for me."

I allowed myself to be pulled back. Once I was a few yards away from the ledge, I turned around to face my savior, already knowing who it was.

I had seen him thousands of times, in my dreams, with the corner of my eye. I had heard his voice filter through my mind, and had felt the chill of his skin against mine, even more often. Hallucinations, all of them, I knew, but I wouldn't admit it.

This was different. I had heard his voice with my ears, not in my head. His arms were tight around my waist, warm and solid and –there-. And I stared directly at him, directly into his eyes.

I smiled.

My love was back.

"You're back," I whispered, as if any loud noise or sudden movement would scare him back into death, like an animal scared back into its burrow.

"I had to come back. I had a promise to fulfill."

"Just whistle…" my voice was still hushed as I quoted those words he had said in Luca.

"…And I'll come running," Tidus finished.

I didn't care why or how he was back, as long as he was with me. There was still a sinking fear in the pit of my stomach that I was imagining this, like I'd imagined so many run-ins with him before.

He lowered his face nearer to mine, his eyes half closed, lips parted in the slightest bit. I reached up and pulled his head the last few inches until our lips met, hungry for the taste that had burned a hole in my mouth since I had first experienced it a lifetime ago.

There was only one word to describe that moment:

Perfection.

In a second, everything that had gone wrong was right. Nothing would ever go wrong again, as long as he was here with me. I was in his arms and near him and I didn't give a damn how he got here or why.

After a moment he pulled away; I went to pull him back, but he wouldn't have that.

"Yuna, I have to tell you," he started. "You can't do this again. Ever."

"Do what?" I questioned, thoroughly confused. Did he mean kiss him? Because I –certainly- wasn't going to stop doing –that-.

He gestured to the cliff behind me.

"Oh," I said quietly. "Then don't leave again, and I won't."

"Yuna, it isn't that easy. Even if I came back, I'd still be mortal. I could die any time."

"Don't say that!"

My words were ignored. "I don't want you to be like this again if I –did- die. So, promise me you'll never, ever do that again." The man's eyes were stern as he said this, as though he wouldn't accept any answer different from my promise.

"Even if you're only here for a little while, I'd be better off than I am now."

He smiled slightly. "That's what they thought. That's why they sent me back."

"They, who?"

He simply shrugged. "I don't know. I've never met them. All I know is they, whoever –they- are, sent me back here. Back to you. They need you to be happy. You're Spira's only hope, Yuna. You're the only one who can possibly lead its people. Without you to lead it, Spira will fall to ruin. Or, at least, that's what they said."

I didn't care. I'd be happy if he were here. I'd never do anything like that again, as long as he stayed by my side. Even if it wasn't forever, just to spend time with him, be it a lifetime or a week, I'd be happy.

I needed to know one thing for happiness… but I didn't know how to ask. So I said it the only way I knew.

"Do you love me?"

He looked taken aback, and he blinked, confused. "How did that come up?"

"Answer me," I commanded.

He looked down into my eyes; such beautiful eyes, such a perfect blue, holding pure, undiluted passion. His response was a single, whispered word: "Yes."

A tear of joy fell down my cheek, promptly followed by another. It was all too much to take in. He loved me. –He- loved –me-. I had loved him from the moment I saw him, but I couldn't tell at first… I thought it was simple infatuation, not something as beautiful as love.

I needed to hear it. I needed to hear him say it.

He seemed to sense that, and smiled, his mouth once again lowering closer to mine. "I love you, Yuna."

"I love you too, Tidus. I always did… and I always will." I pulled myself up taller and met his lips, curling a hand around his neck. He pulled me as close as possible, his hands resting on the small of my back. While the last kiss had been fierce, this one was slow and sweet like honey, making up for every single moment we had lost. We had all the time in the world; we could rush later.

All too soon, our lips eased apart. He held me to his chest as we allowed the air to come back into our lungs. As soon as my breath was steady, I laughed giddily. "I'm so glad you're back," I giggled.

Tidus grinned back at me. "It's good to be back."

For a moment we just stood there, smiling at each other.

Then he smiled, taking my hand and pulled back a bit. "Come on, show me your house."

I gave his hand a squeeze, and led him down the path. "It's just up this way!"

A few hours later saw us contently asleep on my bed. I didn't wake up once. I felt I could sleep forever, safe in the arms of my love, my cheek pressed against the front of his overalls. I was safe there.

For the first time in my life, I was truly happy. I never wanted that moment to end.

Safe warm, in my bed with his arms around me, I dreamed perfect dreams.

While he was gone, my good dreams were memories of him.

Now I dreamt of our future together.

_Everything is clearer now_

_Life is just a dream, you know,_

_That's never ending…_

_I'm ascending_

---***---

Lyrics credited to Yoko Kanno, as used in the anime series Cowboy Bebop. The first stanza, up at the top, is from "Adieu," and the second, at the end, is from "Blue."


End file.
